[330-337] I got to see another side of my systems programming teacher, because I was a TA junior, basically. An in-class assistant for Python programming labs this past term. And he was the course coordinator. So, he would run a couple meetings updating everybody on what’s going on in the class. And he’s really just a normal human being and hilarious, and awkward, and very different from his in-class professional persona. And I love seeing the personal sides of the professors. Beyond that, I don’t know. Just all of the teachers that I’ve had this past term have been really nice and they want to share their knowledge with you.
Author: godwina
[175-182] I also took programing class, dynamic systems and stability, and Signals and Systems 2. I quite liked that class. The professor taught exclusively through writing things on the board, but he would always prove it. And you could tell in the way that he talked about the math that he really thought it was beautiful. And when a professor is enthusiastic about their subject, it just makes it so much easier to be enthusiastic about.
[183-193] And him not requiring you to turn in the homework was a definite bonus. And I was taking another class. What class was I taking? Let me check, because I do not remember. Okay. I was taking probability for engineers. That was one of the classes that suffered the most from me not wanting to do work because it had a constant weekly cycle of big homework sets due. And he graded it very rigorously and required attendance. All things that would help me learn the material if I didn’t have a backup of my friends who had taken the course last term and who helped me with the homework and things. So instead of paying attention in class, I just banked on Francis knowing how to solve probability density functions and things. I basically did the minimum amount of work in that class that I could, and my grade reflects that. It was tough
[210-218] So, I love math. Because if you have the basis to understand it, it turns into almost like a story. It builds off of itself and becomes really, really useful. And my teacher did a great job of leading us from one subject into the next, and proving it to us. The intermediate steps where he was like, “Well you know the Fourier transform that you’ve been doing this whole time, it’s actually much easier if you do a Laplace transform.” And here’s how we get from there to here. And the transitions from subjects and the way he really cared how they interacted, that was super helpful. Because other teachers will just jump from topic to topic and not explain how they’re related or show you the story.
[55-58] But things started getting a little bit better, started being able to handle it. And part of that was I made a new friend whose name is Oliver, and we got along really well and were able to talk about our problems. And that definitely helped.
[236-243] I met Oliver because we both spent an obscene amount of time at the library. So, I would always see him around and he would always see me around. And then one day we figured out that Francis who’s my friend, was also Oliver friend. Beautiful. So, we hung out in the library a couple times and then I was like, “Hey, I’m going to actually the Free Library. You want to come?” So, we went on a decently long walk over there. We checked it out. I got really excited about all the books. And we just had really good conversation and then we were friends.
[78-88] The incident kind of really messed with me. The things that did help were talking to my best friend who has gone through similar experiences, and reaching out to people who I know care about me. But the pivotal moment that turned me from just really super messed up to starting to be okay again was Oliver encouraged me to tell my parents what happened. And I feel like sharing that with them made me feel less like it was my burden and more like it was okay to talk about. And, I don’t know. I think the only reason I didn’t completely fail my classes is because I have friends in them and they would always be like, ” Anna, did you do the homework?” And I’d be like, “Oh, I guess I got to do the homework.” That sort of thing. Yeah. I don’t really know what else to say about that. Still working on it.
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Anna’s Quotes #15
[58-62; 63-77] So, I started getting back on track. Me and my peer Francis did an excellent job on a mutual inductance project for my favorite class that I was taking. And yeah, that was pretty cool. I got my belly button pierced and then I threw another party at the end of term. And then the coronavirus hit. And I moved back home, since the coronavirus hit. we were informed that all of our finals were going to be online. And I was like, “Oh, no.” It felt like I was ripped without warning from all the things that I liked and cared about. And it felt like I was in a nightmare where I was back in high school again. But, only the bad part was after school, couldn’t go out and see anybody. And it took me a hot minute to readjust to being at home and to remembering that I actually like my family.
[258-269] So for the first couple of weeks of COVID being a thing, I was like, “This isn’t a thing. Honestly, how bad could it really be? I didn’t know that much information about it.” And my parents were freaking out extra. So of course I took the opposite stance. And they convinced me to come home for finals week. And I didn’t want to, but I did for their peace of mind. And it kind of turned out to be the right thing I suppose. But I had to abruptly in one weekend move all of my stuff out of my apartment. I was planning on having about a week to do so, and drove all the way over to my internship. Living in this house, which is the same house that I lived in in high school. Having to come down when the bell rings for dinner and ask my parents to keep the wifi on it at night. And not being able to just call my friends and say, “Are you busy right now? Let’s go for a walk.” It was really a flip.
[270-274] Prior to COVID, I had planned on never living at home again. That’s part of the reason why I chose my institution because you’re busy throughout the whole year. And it was like wait, I’m backpedaling so far. I’ve come so far, and now I have to live at home again. And that was challenging to deal with, especially since each of my family members have their own brand of annoying.
[275-287] But once I sort of relaxed into it, my sleep schedule flipped back around to being more normal. And I got done with finals. I adjusted from having something to do at every hour of the day and having to do homework and seeing my friends, and sleeping very little, to having free time. So, I started filling it up with stuff that I actually really do like to do when I have time for it. I’ve been baking a lot of bread. I’ve been reading a lot of books. I made this. It’s a wire tree attached to a piece of driftwood. So, it’s been pretty good for my creative brain, I suppose. I taught my sister how to crochet. I started working out again, cooked with my father. And once I remembered that wait, there is stuff I can do, I’ve been okay with it since then. And it’s helped that my friends have actually been very good at keeping in touch. We’ll often play board games virtually or FaceTime, or just send each other bad Snapchats of each other’s faces. It’s good.
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Meet John
John is a Native Hawaiian/Pacific Islander man attending a midwestern university and majoring in mechanical engineering. Although John has an enduring interest in the visual and performing arts, he also describes himself as a ‘tinkerer’ who has always enjoyed taking things apart. Despite his lifelong good grades in all his classes, he wasn’t interested in science or engineering careers until coming to college. He decided to pursue engineering because of its design aspects and strong career prospects, which led him to major in mechanical engineering. John has also struggled with his mental health and potential symptoms of ADHD, such as low motivation and executive dysfunction, since middle school.
Right now, getting motivation at all is a struggle, it is very difficult for me to start something and finish something. But, I’ve been going to therapy since the semester began, and I skipped over this summer, but yeah. I think as of now it’s been a year since I’ve been in therapy.
From John’s first interview.
The image below is a journey map that John created summarizing some of the highs and lows from his second year as an engineering student.
Want to learn more about John’s journey? Check out his tag here (or by clicking the ‘John’ tag below) to see quotes from his interviews over the years.
[20-25] I’m a [South Asian] American … My parents were both born and raised in the [South Asian Country], and came over here. They met over here and they had me, which means that I have an Asian American background. However, unlike the stereotype, I wasn’t raised with the intention of going into a doctor or an engineer field. My parents were quite different than that, they just wanted the best for me.
[27-33] I never thought I’d be an engineering student. I thought I would be something with visual or performing arts. My path before that, I was performing like every year, every semester, and I found enjoyment from that. I’ve been a high honors student since high honor was a thing in my school…. I’ve always been good in classes, and it never really clicked that being good in math and science could be my career… until I made the decision to come here.
[47-51; 53-55; 60-66] When I was younger I was a tinkerer, I liked to take things parts and found out how things worked; it didn’t always turn out well, but I stilled liked it. For that transition [from visual performing arts to engineering], I have always been a well-rounded person, so it didn’t feel like a transition, it just felt natural for me to do something else, because I’d been doing everything before. It’s still a very fun hobby of mine, […] playing instruments, but for the visual side last semester I took a jewelry course. It was the very first place that I learned how to computer model. The very first project was like a broach, where you had to make a 2D sketch of whatever you wanted to carve out on metal. You carved it, but you also had to create a backing to support magnets that would allow you to wear the broach on your shirt, and that part was 3D printed, so not only did I learn how to model, I learned how to draft, and I learned some hands on stuff all in that jewelry class, and it was genuinely the best class I’ve ever taken.
[37-40] Well, once I saw that the engineering career was more than … More than finding something … As soon as I saw engineering as more than just sitting down at a computer and running tests over and over again. The more I saw the design aspect it really resonated with me.
[110-112] Also, apparently [Midwestern university] has a 97[%] hiring rate [for] graduating [engineers], so that attracted me to it, because as a performing visual arts person I was always worried that I’d be that starving artist stereotype.
[125-128] I knew I didn’t want to do electrical, because I don’t like circuits very much, but I really agreed with industrials making stuff more efficient, and making improvements onto existing systems […] I’m really in engineering because I like design, so I decided to go for mechanical.
[194-202; 204; 209-214; 218-222] I’ve had depression for a long time, depression and anxiety. While I don’t want to say ADHD, because I’ve never been officially diagnosed with that, I have a lot of those symptoms as well in my classes, or in life. Right now, getting motivation at all is a struggle, it is very difficult for me to start something and finish something. But, I’ve been going to therapy since the semester began, and I skipped over this summer, but yeah. I think as of now it’s been a year since I’ve been in therapy. What else? Soon I want to go see a psychiatrist and get prescribed some medicine, because with this lack of motivation I don’t think I can pass any class, or pass any difficult class. Even starting a homework assignment is like really difficult. But, in college I don’t give myself that time to do homework like I did in high school. The reason for that is a lot more than I’m lazy, and I don’t want to do it right now. It’s a lot more than that, and I wish it wasn’t. I wish it was as easy as I just need somebody to tell me to get off my butt and do it, I don’t have the energy to do that. I’ve had this feeling for … I’d say about six or seventh grade, probably seventh or eighth. And, because my parents don’t really understand it’s hard for me to get that support. Now that I’m in college it’s a little bit easier to deal with it, because I don’t have to get my parents approval to go to therapy.
[260-270] We had to make ten designs that could work for a group project, and I worked on the wheels. I think me and two of the group members worked on the programming, because I think he had prior experience before. And, in the end, when our design wasn’t up to par from what we thought we would get, or what we would need, like we couldn’t even get the robot to turn when that was one of our main commands. We learned that the TA really liked Christmas, so we put a Christmas hat on it, and Christmas designs, and we ended up getting extra credit. Yeah. It was a fun, silly project where we learned rudimentary designs, and rudimentary programing, but I still think it was worth it for my group.
[274-280] We were all willing to work on the group project equally. We didn’t argue about it. We wanted to work as a group, and even though we differed in design ideas, we still came through, and we still talked about it, and we compromised about design. My girlfriend’s group, that one guy did not want to talk about his design, he didn’t want compromise. He was the only person that he let work.
[7-54] After Thanksgiving, I realized that I was going to fail a class. I had to choose between engineering and physics. The engineering was just statics, and it was a very first engineering class and the very first one that involved math and physics to a more practical degree. I decided to stop going to that class so I could focus on physics. Physics I realized that I had to pass it. I stopped going to the mechanical class and I’m taking that class now. I’m doing a lot better in that now, so there’s hope. During the last few weeks of the semester I realized that I wasn’t going pass physics either. I ended up going through the class and I got a ton of second chances from my TAs and my professor for pulling my grade up. Because of my depression, I didn’t have enough energy to pull myself through those hoops. My problem was that I thought I knew everything. I ended up skipping the class. I ended up failing. and the depression didn’t help. In the end, I ended up failing both statics and physics. Which is fine. I ended up talking to an electrical engineer who has actually helped through failing classes for the past few years. He’s someone that I look up to highly. Hearing that I was going to be okay, it really helped. I feel less bad about failing classes now.
[33-54] I went back home after finals. On the ride home, I talked to my mom about my mental health and about how I failed the classes because she has access to my grades. I let her know that it was a combination of both the difficulty of the classes and my mental health. And now, over thinking it, I think a lot of it was just the mental health because it was more me trying to get the energy to do work. I do struggle with that still. My mom, she doesn’t quite understand mental illness quite as much as my sisters and I would like. My younger sister is going through mental illness. She is diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ADHD. Last week, I was just diagnosed with major depressive disorder. My mom is having a hard time understanding why can’t you get over this and just focus? I went to therapy without telling my mom. I didn’t want to seem weak or low. I relied on a lot of my friends and my therapist. Finally, being able to tell parents about the mental health boosted me.