Tag: mental health

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joy quotes

Joy’s Quotes #23

[6-12] Starting in December, that was the end of that fall semester and it was going pretty well. As usual, it was kind of like life becomes more stressful as you get closer to finals. And finals went well. That was probably the best semester that I’ve had grade wise and mental health wise and enjoyment from my engineering classes. I had one main professor that semester because our engineering department at our school is still growing since freshman year when three of our six engineering professors left. So, it’s been interesting getting used to new professors every single semester.

[57-78] During the fall, I think that I was taking heat transfer and then strengthened materials and machine design. Classes went really smooth for me and I’ve noticed that I don’t really worry about not being able to figure things out anymore. That’s more of a time commitment. Whereas freshman and sophomore years it felt more like I was […]. Like, when I would go into a homework assignment, it was whether or not I could do it, not whether or not I had the time to figure it out. Whereas now it’s like it’s a mindset. The mindset finally clicked that I know how to problem solve and I know if I don’t, I know how to get from point A to point B regardless of if I have experience in this area, which is kind of encouraging.

So, I think the best part about that semester was that it finally clicked that I could do this and I wasn’t really doubting my ability to do engineering. Also, it was a good semester because I’ve been practicing time management skills for a while, then I already knew how to schedule my time properly, which made […]. Basically it wasn’t stressful. It was enjoyable to go to school every day because I genuinely was learning, and I loved problem solving. And so, not when it’s easy, but that I guess I wasn’t scared I guess. So, instead of doubting myself I was more confident that I was going to be able to make it through this semester just fine, which reflected into my grades. I think I was still taking 17 credits and yeah. That was the weird thing. I was taking 17 credits and working 20 hours a week and I had a social life outside of my classes, which was new and yeah. So, life was very well rounded last semester and I appreciated that.

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anna quotes

Anna’s Quotes #8

[35-44] While I was abroad visiting family, a very I would say life altering incident occurred that really put me into a bad mental state. And I didn’t start dealing with it until I got back from my trip because when I was there, I wasn’t about to let it ruin the only time I saw my family in eight years. So, I deeply suppressed that, moved on. But then when I got back, I was really not feeling it. I wasn’t doing my homework or going to class. I started smoking cigarettes, and it was not good. Very, very not good. I basically stopped caring about school, and I let this one extracurricular project that I was doing, it’s a LiDAR project, I let that fall to the wayside, and we are no longer doing that project.

[225-232] Oh boy. Up until the point where we stopped, we had basically conceptualized the idea. And we knew what we wanted it to do and how we wanted it to do it. And we had bought parts, like a Raspberry Pi and wire strippers. And we found the resources that we would need to assemble our design. So, we checked out the machining lab on campus. But then, it all kind of fell apart from there. We got about half the things we needed and then we couldn’t really decide on a power source. And all of us were busy with classes and there was nobody really being like, “Come on guys, we can do it.” So, we didn’t do it.

[45-47] I think that is entirely my fault because I was the sort of rally for that group and the leader of it. And when I stopped making people do things, things stopped getting done.

[48-54] Also, I withdrew from a class because I couldn’t handle five classes at the same time. And I couldn’t handle waking up early and my sleep schedule was absolutely terrible. I was also in some trouble with two of my friends because we had a bit of an argument. So, I was unsure of the friendships, so I was really not good. The only highlights through that period of suffering were a couple of parties I went to where I saw my friends. And Valentine’s Day. I made Valentines for everybody. That was nice.

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anna quotes

Anna’s Quotes #14

[236-243] I met Oliver because we both spent an obscene amount of time at the library. So, I would always see him around and he would always see me around. And then one day we figured out that Francis who’s my friend, was also Oliver friend. Beautiful. So, we hung out in the library a couple times and then I was like, “Hey, I’m going to actually the Free Library. You want to come?” So, we went on a decently long walk over there. We checked it out. I got really excited about all the books. And we just had really good conversation and then we were friends.

[78-88] The incident kind of really messed with me. The things that did help were talking to my best friend who has gone through similar experiences, and reaching out to people who I know care about me. But the pivotal moment that turned me from just really super messed up to starting to be okay again was Oliver encouraged me to tell my parents what happened. And I feel like sharing that with them made me feel less like it was my burden and more like it was okay to talk about. And, I don’t know. I think the only reason I didn’t completely fail my classes is because I have friends in them and they would always be like, ” Anna, did you do the homework?” And I’d be like, “Oh, I guess I got to do the homework.” That sort of thing. Yeah. I don’t really know what else to say about that. Still working on it.

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john quotes

John’s Quotes #1

[194-202; 204; 209-214; 218-222] I’ve had depression for a long time, depression and anxiety. While I don’t want to say ADHD, because I’ve never been officially diagnosed with that, I have a lot of those symptoms as well in my classes, or in life. Right now, getting motivation at all is a struggle, it is very difficult for me to start something and finish something. But, I’ve been going to therapy since the semester began, and I skipped over this summer, but yeah. I think as of now it’s been a year since I’ve been in therapy. What else? Soon I want to go see a psychiatrist and get prescribed some medicine, because with this lack of motivation I don’t think I can pass any class, or pass any difficult class. Even starting a homework assignment is like really difficult. But, in college I don’t give myself that time to do homework like I did in high school. The reason for that is a lot more than I’m lazy, and I don’t want to do it right now. It’s a lot more than that, and I wish it wasn’t. I wish it was as easy as I just need somebody to tell me to get off my butt and do it, I don’t have the energy to do that. I’ve had this feeling for … I’d say about six or seventh grade, probably seventh or eighth. And, because my parents don’t really understand it’s hard for me to get that support. Now that I’m in college it’s a little bit easier to deal with it, because I don’t have to get my parents approval to go to therapy.

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john quotes

John’s Quotes #3

[7-54] After Thanksgiving, I realized that I was going to fail a class. I had to choose between engineering and physics. The engineering was just statics, and it was a very first engineering class and the very first one that involved math and physics to a more practical degree. I decided to stop going to that class so I could focus on physics. Physics I realized that I had to pass it. I stopped going to the mechanical class and I’m taking that class now. I’m doing a lot better in that now, so there’s hope. During the last few weeks of the semester I realized that I wasn’t going pass physics either. I ended up going through the class and I got a ton of second chances from my TAs and my professor for pulling my grade up. Because of my depression, I didn’t have enough energy to pull myself through those hoops. My problem was that I thought I knew everything. I ended up skipping the class. I ended up failing. and the depression didn’t help. In the end, I ended up failing both statics and physics. Which is fine. I ended up talking to an electrical engineer who has actually helped through failing classes for the past few years. He’s someone that I look up to highly. Hearing that I was going to be okay, it really helped. I feel less bad about failing classes now.

[33-54] I went back home after finals. On the ride home, I talked to my mom about my mental health and about how I failed the classes because she has access to my grades. I let her know that it was a combination of both the difficulty of the classes and my mental health. And now, over thinking it, I think a lot of it was just the mental health because it was more me trying to get the energy to do work. I do struggle with that still. My mom, she doesn’t quite understand mental illness quite as much as my sisters and I would like. My younger sister is going through mental illness. She is diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ADHD. Last week, I was just diagnosed with major depressive disorder. My mom is having a hard time understanding why can’t you get over this and just focus? I went to therapy without telling my mom. I didn’t want to seem weak or low. I relied on a lot of my friends and my therapist. Finally, being able to tell parents about the mental health boosted me.

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john quotes

John’s Quotes #4

[94-107; 123-135] I’m currently struggling with a lot of feelings I have when I go to class. I don’t usually have productive thoughts. I feel like things are scaring me more than helping me now. Or I’m getting scared more than I’m learning. I hope it’s just the mental health thing. Recently, I’ve been getting better. I’ve been paying more attention, and I’m going to pass. I met with a psychiatrist last week. I just got medication and hope it will lift my spirits. When I go to class, I’m paying attention for the first 10 minutes. But after that, I start to have like breathing problems or my mind is wandering off. It’s like an escape. I’m in the classroom because if I’m in there, I’m more likely to learn something than if I’m not. But at the same time, once I look up at the board and see all the equations, all the steps that I phased out on, that’s the moment that I start getting anxiety and scared. So, I look away and I go back in my head so I’m not as stressed. It’s a cycle. It goes throughout the entire hour until I come back out without anything in my notes.

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john quotes

John’s Quotes #16

[49-54] Aside from stress from work, extracurriculars, and school impact my mental health. Overall, my mental health has been getting better since last year. Overall, I think I just need to lower my workload with extracurriculars. Work is kind of unavoidable because I want to be in an apartment next school semester, so work is one thing. Extracurriculars, I feel I can fall back on. Maybe in a year I’ll be out of the extracurriculars. Then school, I still need to […] finding a good habit for school work is still something that I think I actively avoid. It’s a problem for me, so I need to find that for myself.

[193-198] I think one of the main reasons why I went into extracurricular activities was so I could stress out about something else other than school. I mean, other than seeing friends and feeling like I’m a part of something, other than those feelings, a lot of that was finding something else to stress out about other than school and actually working on myself for academic work. I should put more focus on my academics, as much as I don’t want to, as much as I want to just take these classes and get by, that’s not going to happen very well for my next classes coming up.

[203-207] I’m currently the president of an E-Sports Club, which is the biggest sports club on campus. This is my only curricular activity for this semester, for this school year actually. Last school year I was a part of three big organizations, and it was bad then. I thought it would be better now that it would only be one, but I took on a presidency instead of a different role, so it’s still a lot. There’s a lot of promises that I made to myself about the club that I want to achieve, and I guess I was putting a lot of that pressure on myself, so I just ended up getting over-stressed or overwhelmed

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john quotes

John’s Quotes #17

[250-258]And more often than not, the thing that relieves my stress the most is just getting something done. Such an insane concept, just finishing something. I think for me, procrastinating is a double-edged sword. It provides temporary relief, not long time, and I still need to get over that.

With the health insurance and the physical therapy, that I’m still kind of salty about, but I can’t really do much right now until the stay-at-home order ends. Then dealing with all the COVID business, still dealing with it. I’m on campus, which I think is healthier for me versus staying at home. I still get free food, even though I’m out of a job the University is still paying me, so I feel like I’ll be fine. It’s just the schoolwork that’s really going to suffer. Procrastinating was a problem before and it’s been a bigger problem now.

[274-279] I do have a therapist on campus and they’re currently trying to get a teletherapy thing started. There were a few places on campus where I knew that my friends would be because they worked there, so I would go there often. The arena itself, the E-Sports computer lab, I use that place a lot for general relaxation and sometimes studying. It’s just now that I’m cooped up in the dorms it’s just like I have to rework my mind and make sure I don’t fall asleep in the same place where I do my homework.

[301-303] I don’t have many interactions with my peers in engineering. I wish I had more because I’m a little shy and intimidated by my peers. I’m not sure if there is a reason, I know personally I can talk to girls a lot easier than guys, I’m not sure why, I just can. Because there’s not that many girls in Engineering, it’s just harder for me to approach people.

[307-310] My intimidation may be due to an inferiority complex-type thing where I’m constantly comparing myself to other people. It’s just like, I know I don’t need to do that, but it just happens. Then what else? Yeah, some part of it is like I don’t want to sound stupid. It’s just a lot of little insecurities that you add up and then I just don’t have the ability to talk to somebody who very well could help me.

[328-333] Overall, I think I’m making some good steps, good progress. It’s hard to say that I’ll be done next year, I think I’ll have at least another year, which I am completely fine with. I’m taking advances to improve me, my mental health, my physical health. I’m taking steps to improve me, rather than continue on my degree as fast as I could. I could have taken two more engineering classes if I really wanted to, but I decided to work on myself. Hopefully, by the end of my next two years I’m at least a healthy person, if I’m not an engineer. I’d rather make sure I’m okay.

[342-347] In addition to ensuring that I’m okay, over the summer, if all of this COVID stuff goes by, I hope to be a camp counselor or a camp instructor. The instructor pays more, so I hope to be that more often than not. That job opened a lot of doors for me, so I want to continue on with that one. Then getting out of college, I hope to do something similar to the company I visited last year where it has a lot of those opportunities to be in the engineering design process.

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