[7-54] After Thanksgiving, I realized that I was going to fail a class. I had to choose between engineering and physics. The engineering was just statics, and it was a very first engineering class and the very first one that involved math and physics to a more practical degree. I decided to stop going to that class so I could focus on physics. Physics I realized that I had to pass it. I stopped going to the mechanical class and I’m taking that class now. I’m doing a lot better in that now, so there’s hope. During the last few weeks of the semester I realized that I wasn’t going pass physics either. I ended up going through the class and I got a ton of second chances from my TAs and my professor for pulling my grade up. Because of my depression, I didn’t have enough energy to pull myself through those hoops. My problem was that I thought I knew everything. I ended up skipping the class. I ended up failing. and the depression didn’t help. In the end, I ended up failing both statics and physics. Which is fine. I ended up talking to an electrical engineer who has actually helped through failing classes for the past few years. He’s someone that I look up to highly. Hearing that I was going to be okay, it really helped. I feel less bad about failing classes now.
[33-54] I went back home after finals. On the ride home, I talked to my mom about my mental health and about how I failed the classes because she has access to my grades. I let her know that it was a combination of both the difficulty of the classes and my mental health. And now, over thinking it, I think a lot of it was just the mental health because it was more me trying to get the energy to do work. I do struggle with that still. My mom, she doesn’t quite understand mental illness quite as much as my sisters and I would like. My younger sister is going through mental illness. She is diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ADHD. Last week, I was just diagnosed with major depressive disorder. My mom is having a hard time understanding why can’t you get over this and just focus? I went to therapy without telling my mom. I didn’t want to seem weak or low. I relied on a lot of my friends and my therapist. Finally, being able to tell parents about the mental health boosted me.