[250-258]And more often than not, the thing that relieves my stress the most is just getting something done. Such an insane concept, just finishing something. I think for me, procrastinating is a double-edged sword. It provides temporary relief, not long time, and I still need to get over that.
With the health insurance and the physical therapy, that I’m still kind of salty about, but I can’t really do much right now until the stay-at-home order ends. Then dealing with all the COVID business, still dealing with it. I’m on campus, which I think is healthier for me versus staying at home. I still get free food, even though I’m out of a job the University is still paying me, so I feel like I’ll be fine. It’s just the schoolwork that’s really going to suffer. Procrastinating was a problem before and it’s been a bigger problem now.
[274-279] I do have a therapist on campus and they’re currently trying to get a teletherapy thing started. There were a few places on campus where I knew that my friends would be because they worked there, so I would go there often. The arena itself, the E-Sports computer lab, I use that place a lot for general relaxation and sometimes studying. It’s just now that I’m cooped up in the dorms it’s just like I have to rework my mind and make sure I don’t fall asleep in the same place where I do my homework.
[301-303] I don’t have many interactions with my peers in engineering. I wish I had more because I’m a little shy and intimidated by my peers. I’m not sure if there is a reason, I know personally I can talk to girls a lot easier than guys, I’m not sure why, I just can. Because there’s not that many girls in Engineering, it’s just harder for me to approach people.
[307-310] My intimidation may be due to an inferiority complex-type thing where I’m constantly comparing myself to other people. It’s just like, I know I don’t need to do that, but it just happens. Then what else? Yeah, some part of it is like I don’t want to sound stupid. It’s just a lot of little insecurities that you add up and then I just don’t have the ability to talk to somebody who very well could help me.
[328-333] Overall, I think I’m making some good steps, good progress. It’s hard to say that I’ll be done next year, I think I’ll have at least another year, which I am completely fine with. I’m taking advances to improve me, my mental health, my physical health. I’m taking steps to improve me, rather than continue on my degree as fast as I could. I could have taken two more engineering classes if I really wanted to, but I decided to work on myself. Hopefully, by the end of my next two years I’m at least a healthy person, if I’m not an engineer. I’d rather make sure I’m okay.
[342-347] In addition to ensuring that I’m okay, over the summer, if all of this COVID stuff goes by, I hope to be a camp counselor or a camp instructor. The instructor pays more, so I hope to be that more often than not. That job opened a lot of doors for me, so I want to continue on with that one. Then getting out of college, I hope to do something similar to the company I visited last year where it has a lot of those opportunities to be in the engineering design process.