After Ed was injured
in a crime (from a gunshot), I found it necessary to adapt quickly to
several changes in my life. Not only was I a young city-born woman about
to begin married life in the country, but my husband-to-be was now paralyzed
from the waist down. He had suffered a permanent T1 – T2 spinal
cord injury in the shooting.
As many couples have done
when one becomes disabled, we struggled together and learned along the
way. During the weeks immediately following Ed’s injury, we received
lots of help from relatives and friends in the community. A ramp was
built, an accessible bathroom installed, a sidewalk poured, and a van
with a wheelchair lift was purchased. Church members, merchants, the
local vocational rehabilitation service, family and friends, and even
those unknown to us came to our rescue.
Such an outpouring of community
spirit and thoughtfulness was indeed both touching and humbling. I had
always found asking for assistance very hard to do. But in such a situation,
you soon admit you can’t do everything. You learn that occasionally
you must swallow your pride and request help. Usually, the assistance
given initially tapers off after a few weeks. This doesn’t mean
people have deserted you. It just means others are busy with their own
lives. Family and friends will still respond to your needs, although
it may not come as quickly as you wish.
As a caregiver,
you soon learn there are a number of responsibilities to shoulder. Time
is always at a premium, and the many tasks you must perform require
a great deal of energy if you are to keep up. The trick is not to let
the job overwhelm you. An exhausted caregiver becomes inefficient. So
look for someone (or several someones) to provide you a break from the
routine.
Some people find caregiving
easier than others. Those who bring a cheerful, energetic spirit to
the task each day are blessed and deserve our praise. After all, caregiving
is one of the most Christian acts an individual can perform. And doing
it on a daily basis, with patience and love, is certainly giving of
oneself.
Along the way, you
learn it is much easier to help others because of what you have been
through. As a registered nurse, I can now provide more understanding
and support to others. Often, just listening is one way to help those
undergoing difficult times.
~ By Debbie Bell, wife of Ed Bell