Norway came in No. 1 in this year's World Happiness Report — based on variables such as healthy life expectancy, absence of government corruption and generosity — while the U.S. fell from 14th to 18th.
On the bright side, at least we beat United Arab Emirates in the play-in game.
Sports quiz
When Lonzo Ball said, "He going to do the circus stuff — I'm not feeding into it," the Lakers' rookie guard was referring to:
a) the Nuggets' Jamal Murray
b) Lonzo's father, LaVar
He's on the DL
Hall of Fame slugger Reggie Jackson took a tumble while taking a walk last week, requiring knee surgery.
Or as he's now known in physical-therapy circles, Mr. Knocked-Over.
March Madness 101
Q: In a sham course, how can you tell if it's a basketball player's term project?
A: His basket is a three-man weave.
Norway, the sequel
A Norwegian musher, Joar Ulsom, just won this year's Iditarod.
In other words, they scheduled a sled-dog race — and the 2018 Winter Olympics broke out again.
Unfair assistance
North Dakota has been ranked the drunkest state in the U.S.
But it was only No. 5 until Carson Wentz blew out his knee.
Porn free
The Kansas City Royals conducted a spring-training seminar called "Fight the New Drug," warning about the dangers of pornography.
Players said they couldn't comment because they won't let them see the films.
Talking the talk
— Ex-Lakers great Kobe Bryant, to ABC's Jimmy Kimmel, when asked if he'll try to add a Grammy to his Academy Award: "Know your limitations. I don't even sound good in the shower."
— Comedy writer Tim Hunter, not chagrined to lose an hour last weekend because of the biannual time change: "I got it back at work on Monday filling out my brackets."
Two for the money
Memphis basketball coach Tubby Smith, fired after just two seasons, will get $9.7 million as a parting gift.
Tubby, we take it, is suddenly a huge proponent of two-and-done.
More headlines
— At SportsPickle.com: "Teddy Bridgewater announces retirement: 'I didn't do all this rehab to play for the Jets.'"
— At Fark.com: "Tiger Woods is in the lead of a real live golf tournament. Welcome to 2008."
Tweet of the Week
From Kent Somers of The Arizona Republic: "NFL free agency is just one big yard sale. Your junk is someone else's treasure."
Fall classic?
Rumoured to be Kobe Bryant's next Oscar-worthy short film: "Grayson Allen and Duke: a Trip Down Memory Lane."
Quote marks
— RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on skips named Jones — Colleen and Jennifer — combining to evenly split 12 Canadian women's curling titles: "If your name is Smith, forget about keeping up."
— NBC's Jimmy Fallon, on Mattel's line of 17 new Barbie dolls based on history-making women, such as Olympic gold-medal snowboarder Chloe Kim: "It's called the Way Too Good for Ken Collection."
— Mick White, via Facebook, on why it's only fitting that ex-Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman signed with the 49ers: "He was their best receiver for the last 7 years."
— Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on PED poster child Alex Rodriguez's image rehab as a TV personality: "A-Rod is a good-looking, well-spoken guy who benefits from living in the United States of Amnesia."
— Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on alternate ways to speed up MLB games after players nixed a 20-second clock: "OK. How about a big loudspeaker next to the mound. After 20 seconds: 'THROW THE DAMN BALL, MEAT!' Speed up the game? Shoot relievers out of a bullpen cannon."
— Blogger Chad Picasner, not impressed with MLB's time-saving proposals: "I will repeat, the only thing they have to do to shorten games is KEEP THE HITTER IN THE BATTER'S BOX. There, was that so hard?"
— Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., on why LeBron James saying he's like a fine wine, getting better with age, is a bad analogy: "Old wines are usually found in the cellar."
— Top NBA prospect Michael Porter Jr., to reporters, on Missouri losing in Porter's long-awaited return from injury: "We beat Georgia when I didn't play. We lost to them when I did. That doesn't feel good."
— Times reader Charlie Gay, on Richard Sherman's Seattle exit: "If the Seahawks lose any more people back there in the defensive backfield, we're going to have to start calling it The Legion of 'Whom?'"
— NBC's Jimmy Fallon, on the arrival of March Madness: "Twelve hours a day of college basketball — or as sports fans call it, payback for 'The Bachelor.'"
— NBC's Seth Meyers, after the owner of a Greek soccer team, angry that a goal was disallowed, stormed onto the field packing a handgun: "So, long story short, soccer is now the official sport of the NRA."
— Georgia basketball coach Mark Fox, to reporters, after his team overcame a 10-0 deficit in the SEC tournament to beat Missouri: "In life and in basketball, when the going gets tough, some people run for the hills, and other people try and climb them." (Bonus points: He was fired two days later.)
Tribune News Service
Tribune News Service